My Journey with PCOS

When I first thought of sharing my story it was overwhelming. The idea of making my very private struggle public was scary. I am the type of person that is very private. I keep my internal struggles to myself and haven't even shared this story with many people who I am the closest to. After much thinking and soul searching I have figured out that it is important I share my story in hopes of helping someone else who is going through something similar.

Knowing what I know now I believe I have had PCOS my entire life. When I was small the pediatrician told my mother that I was over weight and I needed to be on a diet. I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. My mom had good intentions of following the doctors orders. It was then that she began logging all the food I ate and weighing me each morning. That is when the struggle with my weight started. Up until then I was ok with my body. After that I was conscience of every pound, every inch, and every new bit of fat or lump on my body. I first got my period the summer between 5th and 6th grade. I couldn't really talk about it with my mom. You just didn't talk about things like that in my house. I had learned in health class that it takes a while for your period to become regular so it never alarmed me that my period was never regular. As I got older my period became less and less frequent. By the time I had graduated from high school I was lucky if I got my period once every 6 months or so. Like most teenagers, I was very moody. I was often depressed and had my first encounter with a therapist at the age of 14 or 15. My teenage years were something I would really like to forget. I was overweight my whole life and high school was awful. I tried exercise and eating very little. When that didn't work, I tried not eating at all. I could not loose any weight. That is where my horrible self esteem began. The therapist blamed it all on depression. At one point, my hair began to thin. My once long thick hair started to fall out. That is the only thing I did complain to my mom about. She said "Oh, it's normal". Then I showed her my hair brush filled with hair and she thought it might be an issue. A trip to the doctor later I was given the task of counting all the hairs that fell out of my head. Every night I had to one by one count all the hairs in my brush. Up until then I didn't know that you loose on average 75 to 100 hairs a day. I was loosing twice that. Based on my thinning hair and my being overweight, the doctor tested me for diabetes. Those test came back normal and I was given a prescription for Rogain. As the years went on I became more comfortable with my body. I was no longer ashamed of the way I looked and once I was in college I actually allowed myself to do normal teenage things. My period was still abnormal. I started bleeding and for almost two months I suffered in silence. One day I finally was so sick that I broke down and told my best friend the problem I was having. She took me and we went to her Gynecologist. I had never been to one of those doctors before and it was a very scary experience. Her doctor was a man. How was I suppose to have a man down there? One who I didn't know? That was a problem for me so to fix the situation I was allowed to see the nurse practitioner. She put me on the pill after my describing all the problems I had been having for years with my cycle. She told me that what I was experiencing was not normal. The pill was not a solution to my problems though. After being on it for a few months I realized I was gaining a lot of weight. I tried and tried to loose it but it wouldn't go away. I took myself off the birth control pills because I needed to stop gaining weight. My cycle went back to being once every 6 months but I stopped gaining all that weight. When I was 20 or 21 I started having awful anxiety attacks. The first time I had one I thought I was going to die. I was sure I was having a heart attack. I took myself to the doctor who referred me to another doctor, a Psychiatrist. I was once again diagnosed with depression and given Anti-depressants. Those drugs made me feel like a zombie I couldn't take them for very long and eventually took myself off of them again. I learned to know when I was about to have an anxiety attack so I could control them on my own. Months went by and my cycle was never regular. I had been with my boyfriend for a long time at that point and thought "maybe I'm pregnant." Several pregnancy tests ,all negative, later and still no period for months I took myself back to a new OB-GYN. This one was a woman. I though I would be comfortable and she would understand my issues. I went in to the office and a tiny little woman of Indian descent came in to talk to me. She had a very thick accent and was hard for me to understand. She talked to me for just a few minutes and said she was going to do an ultrasound. I was confused because I knew I was not pregnant and I though that an ultra sound was for pregnant women. I laid back and she started pointing at all these spots on my insides. She said "do you see that?" I said yes. She said" I believe you have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You are fat and you will probably never have children." She told me to get dressed and left the room. I was 22 years old, in tears because all my life I had dreamed of having children and this cold hearted woman took that away in 2 minutes. I couldn't even think straight. I cried the whole way home. I got home, laid on the couch,and cried more. When my boyfriend came in he didn't know what to say I couldn't breath I was crying so hard. He said "What do you have?" I really didn't have an answer because she really didn't explain it to me. I had to do something so I called my insurance company. I needed a referral to a new doctor who could tell me about this. The sent me to see the most wonderful man, Dr. Steve. He explained to me what I had and that I could have children some day. He put me on Metformin. Since my period had never been regular I didn't think twice about it when I started to bleed for months at a time. It wasn't until I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and still bleeding I decided there was a problem. I called and ended up in the hospital to have a DNC. A few months later it started again and back into the hospital for another DNC. I am so happy to say that every since the second DNC my cycle has been like clockwork. Things were going along quite normally and my husband and I had decided we were ready to start trying to have a child. I was on Clomid with no results. The prescription was doubled with still no results. As the years had gone on I tried to stop obsessing over the idea of having a child but with each year that went by and each baby shower I went to it got harder. My friends all had children and still I had none. I would cry myself to sleep at night. When I turned 30 I took it really hard. In my head, by the time I was 30 I should have already had two children. It had always been my plan. I didn't have any. I wanted to get pregnant so desperately and it just wasn't happening. I found myself again very depressed and sad. Then I started having problems I was getting so sick. I just didn't feel right. I thought I was getting a yeast infection but it never started to itch it just hurt. I was in excruciating pain all the time. I went to see Dr. Steve and he looked at me and said that this could be bad. He did an ultra sound and discovered I have cysts on my ovaries that were huge. One was the size of a plum. The other ovary had a cyst the size of a grapefruit. He said he would have to operate on my yet again to remove the large cysts. I was scared but he fixed me before. I went to the hospital that day with my husband and my mother and it was then that I was told the most horrific thing I could ever have been told. That the large cyst had grown to be the size of a grapefruit and it grew around my ovary. My ovary was crushed and would have to be removed. I started to scream. Why was all this happening to me? I just wanted to be normal and have a child. I had so many problems and the PCOS made it so much harder to get pregnant and now here they were, telling me that they were taking out my ovary! I just started to cry. The last thing I remember as they were putting me out was Dr. Steve telling me it was going to be ok and tears streaming down my face. When I woke up I was in so much pain. What hurt the most wasn't the idea that I had an incision like a c-section with no baby to show for it but that when I woke up I was told that my sister in law had just had their baby. That was awful. The day I got out of the hospital we went to see the new baby. I couldn't even look at it. That little boy was 6 months old before I was even able to hold him. I have been told I can still get pregnant with one ovary. Just a few months ago I was checked to see why I haven't gotten pregnant now that my cycle is regular. I have been living with PCOS for 13 years now. I now see that all the problems I have had over all these years were the beginnings of my PCOS. I believe in my heart that I will have a child one day. I have come to accept the idea that it may only be one but it will happen. I have to have hope.

NEW.... wanna' buddy??

Hey girls :)

Ive set a new PCOS BUDDIES scheme on facebook...

This groups aim is to bring more Cysters close together and get some much needed face to face support :)

If you would like to join in and get some support then join the group :D

http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/135861053181051/

Nadine xxx

Eating Healthy with PCOS

Insulin resistance (IR) is common in women with PCOS, with as many as 40% of women being diagnosed with IR. IR is a state in which your body can't use insulin effectively, thus raising blood sugar to dangerous levels. Constant high levels of sugar (glucose) in the system can lead to diabetes. What does this have to do with PCOS? In PCOS, high levels of insulin can increase the production of male hormones (androgens such as testosterone) in the ovary. Both of these, high insulin and high testosterone, can lead to no periods, excessive hair growth, acne and trouble ovulating. For these reasons, and because there is no cure for either diabetes, or PCOS, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle, including eating well.

There are three different types of carbohydrates that your body uses: Starches (complex carbs), Sugars, and Fiber.

Starches include foods like beans, pastas, corn and potatoes.

There are two main types of Sugars, natural sugar (sugar that is already in food, such as fruit) and added sugar, which includes syrups, such as those in pop, added sugars in fruit juices, and drinks or baked goods.

Fibers include whole grains, veggies and fruits and nuts. Most people don't get enough fiber in their diet (recommendation is 25-30 grams/day), so added fiber is a benefit.

While there isn't any agreement on diets for PCOS, it is recommended that women follow a low carb diet. Eating well includes getting the recommended amount of fiber in a day, eating foods in their whole state (basically eating fruits and veggies that aren't canned, and other foods in their most basic state), limiting sugars, eating whole grains instead of white or enriched, and limiting starches.

Here are a few tips to help with making the change to a more healthy you:

Substitute sweet potatoes for regular potatoes. They taste great and have less carbs. You can use them the same way (in fact, I think they taste better than white ones when they are baked). You could also use cauliflower in place of mashed potatoes.

Choose foods low in salt. I use Mrs. Dash Original in place of salt. I don't even miss it, except on my eggs.

Eat plenty of pasta, preferably whole grain. Complex carbohydrates keep you feeling full, and it takes them longer to turn to sugar in your body. This reduces the high sugar spikes after eating.

Bake, grill or steam food instead of frying it. It's more flavorful, less fat and keeps the nutrients locked into the food.

Include fish in your diet, as it provides many vitamins and is a powerful brain booster. It also improves heart health.

Eat every 3 to 5 hours. 3 meals and snacks. Make sure to include protein or fat in each meal.

Portions matter!

Find a registered dietician to help you set up a meal plan. They are able to help figure out just how many calories, and carbs you need per day and figure out a meal plan.

These are just some of the things that I try to follow. I am in no way a professional! I hope to have a small recipe collection coming soon, with some healthy food. Nadine has a list of low GI foods on the site, so please look those up. Remember that exercise, nutrition, a good doctor and great support are necessary for a healthy life, not just physically, but mentally as well!

Soy Isoflavones... The final chapter

OK girls... in all i think SI is totally worth it, in reality now i look back on it i would have waited till i had my cycle regularised before trying, but i defiantly recommend it. 1... It is cheaper than clomid, 2... Its natural and 3... Any thing is worth a try :).

I'm almost sure that i have Ovulated,but still AF isn't rearing her ugly head, i have taken 5 tests but still BFN, hoping that its just a case of being too early to test. I will keep you all posted :)

Join us on facebook (click on the facebook tab at the top of the page) and if you have anything you want written about just ask :)

Hope you all have a fab day <3

Nadine xxx

A freinds blog...

i have an amazing friend that has started a personal blog,  http://wiccanpcosmummy.blogspot.com/
she is so inspirational! she has been through so much on her journey, she has also got a Facebook page... http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/216834345045560/

i hope you will all take a look :) you wont regret it :)

Nadine xxx

SI review Part 2.

So Soy Isoflaveones... What do I think?
I'm all most sure I have ovulated this month and have been having little 'signs' of pregnancy, so going to do a test in 2 days time, AF hasn't turned up which could be a very good thing but at the same time if I am not pregnant the SI has failed!
I would take them again. I have to admit I haven't had and horrid side effects, which is unusual for me as I always get them all full pelt lol. If you are interested in taking SI I would highly recommend it! Anything is worth a try right? And at half the price of Clomid you can't go wrong! I got mine in Tesco (UK) for just a little over £4.

I'll keep you all updated on the HPT results :)

Nadine xxx
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